Catharsis for my Brain

So today I am off to Joburg to play with SA National Youth Orchestra. We are playing Sibelius Symphony No 1, among other things and I must say, I am pretty amped.

And not just for the drinking and drugging but also for the music - it has been a while since I’ve played in an orchestra!!!

Fun times lie ahead :D

Arg I’m feeling so alone and desperate right now. I know how sad and desperate it sounds just writing it down. But it’s true. Meh.

That awkward moment when you realise how sexually frustrated you are, after having 3 orgasms while asleep, because of some kinky dream your subconscious thought up. Meh

So last night, the girl-who-I-used-to-love-but-rejected-me-but-we’re-still-good-friends-(really!) brought up me being gay for the first time. Well inadvertently.

We were driving home from horse riding and she asked me whether this one girl, our friend was gay. She asked this because the friend is very touchy and holds her hand a lot and stuff like that. My gaydar is broken (has never actually worked) but I think she is actually straight, just a touchy-feeling girl (the worst kind of straight girls).

It’s funny because when I originally met them (the girl who might be gay) and her sister, I went through stages of thinking both of them were gay. When I told the girl-who-I-used-to-love-but-rejected-me-but-we’re-still-good-friends-(really!) this, she also thought the sister was gay.

Such a funny world.

Then she promised to help me find someone awesome. Why does she have to be straight? It’s very annoying. Not that I still love her anymore. But there is always that hope :(

The height of laziness is when one doesn’t want to put on two boots to go outside in the rain to fetch something and instead only puts on one and hops to the said destination.

While I’ve been procrastinating, looking at Adult Sex Shop websites and such, I came across the MTV award nomination thing for tonight. While I loved the Hunger Games, especially Jennifer Lawrence, my love still goes for Harry Potter. An extraordinary end to an even more extraordinary story, that movie deserves to win every award!!!

Tonight, this girl I like and I were browsing the “Adult World” (the top South African sex shop) website at the same time but at our own homes (because I want to go there later on in the week to get poppers for some fun times this holiday). We were joking via Facebook about the different items you could get and how creepy some of the stuff was.

It just makes everything seem so hard because we get on well, we’re planning to do a lot together this holiday (like drink, ride, get high etc), I like her and she doesn’t know I’m gay.

Justanotherof those stupid frikking situations. ARG! I should really just tell her. Soon.

I watched the movie “Limitless” the other day. Holy crap on a cracker, if I had one chance in my life to take that drug, I would with no regrets. That is beyond amazing - I mean, I know the whole idea that we only use 20% of our brain is a myth but how awesome would it be to know that there IS the possibility of expanding your thoughts, ideas and perceptions on things that you barely take notice of now.

This is the thing with some drugs. They give you a chance to experience world outside of your reality for a little while. Sure, some of them are dangerous as hell, but might it not be worth the risk to at least try to experience things that no one has ever seen and felt before?

Last night, I wrote my last (hopefully) Maths exam ever. I felt like I was quite unprepared for it so the results should beslightlyentertaining to say the least.

Needless to say, my brain was angry with itself afterwards and so awarded me with a terrible dream.

This dream involved me having to solve tons of impossible integration and differentiation problems and there was no way to stop it. I even woke myself up to change dreams but when I finally got back to “sleep” again, I was bombarded by these functions I couldn’t solve.

My brain knew just what to present me with to turn it into a near-nightmare. I hate not doing my best and because I was unprepared for the exam, I was unprepared for the dream.

Stupid brain. But now I’m dead,

so good night, world.